


Easy

by IRegretNothingAndEverything



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: and coomer is a cuddler, bubby is a blanket hog (even if the blankets are lab coats), cuddle piles, gordon typical overthinking, its implied that if Tommy hadn't woken up Gordon would have gone through with it, suicidal thougths, the grandpas are there just sleepin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IRegretNothingAndEverything/pseuds/IRegretNothingAndEverything
Summary: While the science team sleeps, Gordon ponders on just how easy it would be.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you have sad thoughts and you go 'Gordon Freeman'

It would be so stupidly easy. So so easy. No one outside this group would know, and would they even really care? At all? 

Gordon really didn’t think so. 

The science team curled on the floor together, coats flung over them like makeshift blankets, limbs tangled together, and Gordon thought that, if they were all fully human, he wouldn’t have been able to tell whose were who. 

It was ridiculously soft. 

And Gordon really didn’t think he fit into that. 

Or anywhere. 

It wasn’t just in the science team or in Black Mesa. There was... something else, hanging over him near constantly, heavy and exhausted, and Gordon knew that the trauma of the situation was only making this all worse, that he would have been alright if he could have gotten up to get a cup of tea and sat in his son’s room to watch his reason breathe. 

But no. 

Gordon was in Black Fucking Mesa, with aliens and alien zombies and the most infuriating group of people he could have been stuck with. 

That’s not to say he didn’t care about them. A few days into this, and Gordon had gotten attached to the people he met that day, had already been attached to Coomer before this moment-

Gordon’s heart clenched, breathing getting a little harder. 

Coomer would care, he thought. Coomer had always seemed to give at least the tiniest shit about him. 

But that. 

That was the only one he could convince himself even a bit of. 

Benrey and Bubby were obvious enough in their hatred for him, Gordon knew that well enough. Even if there were moments, where it seemed, even for a bit, that they cared, it was so quickly hidden and wrapped in layers of vitriol and fire and Gordon knew what they really wanted to tell him. 

It seemed obvious that he was only kept around because of Coomer and Tommy. 

It was pity with Tommy, he thought. That’s the only thing that made sense to Gordon, Tommy pitying him and dragging him through Black Mesa to the end. 

Gordon really wished they would just give up. 

It would be so so easy. So easy to get up, like he had gone to the bathroom and let himself die. Or. 

The guns sat in a small pile near the door. It was hard to sleep with them in your coat pockets. Gordon stared at them quietly. 

So so easy. He could just pick on up, leave the room, no one would question it until they found his dead body being picked at by the head crabs and zombies. 

Maybe he would become one, so they could really get their anger at him out properly. Leave him behind with no final regrets, just a broken husk of a man who didn’t matter in the long run. 

“Gordon?” 

He blinked, turning his head to look towards Tommy, who was bleary-eyed and confused, having woken up for some reason. Gordon stared quietly at Tommy, who was carefully sitting up, as not to disturb the two older men sleeping next to him, having to remove one of Coomer’s arms in order to sit up. “Why... why’re you still awake?” 

There was a moment of silence, before Gordon shrugged a shoulder. “Just. Having some trouble sleeping, I guess.” 

Tommy frowned, then raised his arms in exhausted delirium, making what Gordon could only describe as ‘grabby-hands’ at him. “C’mere.” 

Another pause, before Gordon stood, treading lightly so the metal of the HEV suit didn’t make too much noise. He settled next to Tommy, who shifted slightly, wrapping an arm around Gordon, his other coming up to act as a pillow, laying them both on the ground. Tommy dragged the coat up again, Bubby snorting on the other side of him and half tugging it back. 

As they settled, Coomer’s arm came back around them, extended to be able to wrap around all three of them, and Gordon closed his eyes, sighing softly. 

Tommy drifted back to sleep relatively easy, and Gordon drifted soon after, with only one thought in his mind. 

_If only Tommy hadn’t woken up._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter Two !!

There was something about the gatherings that got Gordon thinking about Black Mesa. The anniversary of when it started (about a week before Tommy’s birthday) they would make sure to get together, for one reason or another. It was just a way to commemorate what they had been through together. 

Which made Gordon think about it, even if it seemed that no one else was thinking about it. 

Made him think about the one night a few days into the whole thing in particular 

Two years after the whole ordeal, and Gordon could say he was doing better. Properly better now, at the very least. 

Gordon hummed, grabbing a few sodas from the fridge, as Tommy wandered into the kitchen as well. Gordon glanced towards him, then held out one of the sodas. Tommy grinned taking it. “Thanks!” 

“Yeah.” Gordon hipchecked the fridge door shut, then paused, staring at Tommy quietly. This... wasn’t the best moment, probably, but it was a moment enough. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

“Oh, yea!” Tommy popped the tab of the soda, taking a sip, luckily like a normal human being for once, leaning back against the counter, Gordon pausing quietly. “What’s up?” 

“Uh... During the whole... everything. With Black Mesa? There was a night, I don’t even know if you’d remember it, you seemed pretty tired, and I uh... I just gotta say that if you hadn’t woken up, I... I might’ve killed myself that night...” 

Tommy took another sip of his soda, nodding slightly. “I know.” 

“Wha-You know?” Gordon looked towards him, and Tommy smiled sadly. 

“Gordon, I woke up to you sitting away from everyone else staring at the gun pile with this... look in your eyes. What else was I supposed to think?” 

There was a pause, before Gordon let out a soft laugh, shaking faer head. “Of course. Should’ve... should’ve realized it was a bit obvious. Still, I just... thanks, I guess? For waking up? Sounds stupid but-” 

“No I get it.” Tommy grinned, moving over to wrap an arm around Gordon, squeezing faer to ver chest. “For the record, I’m glad I woke up.” 

Gordon smiled slightly, nodding, hugging Tommy back. “Yeah... yeah me too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon's doing better at least, y'know? He's doing good !

**Author's Note:**

> Mhm. Tumblr is catdonfreeman, feel free to yell at me for making you feel things here or there.


End file.
